ON THE NET: The case of crimes against Santa

ON THE NET: The case of crimes against Santa
Reprinted from Art in the Market
By: Gregory Travous

Regular readers may recall that Santa’s throne has disappeared from his space at the St. Augustine’s Slave Market. May recall? It was just five days ago! This is a solid fact, but there is background to this story and new disturbing developments since.

Some facts: On a previous week, one of Santa’s elves has a wage dispute and brings her pickup driving boyfriend to confront Santa. He leaves when children start arriving and promises that “This is not over”.

On December 2nd, Santa’s tinseled and sequined throne disappeared sometime between Midnight and 5:00 p.m. the seat cushion mysteriously reappeared three days later (proof of life?)

On Friday December 10th, a snatch and grab of Santa’s donation jar was made by a twenty-something man who gets away in a waiting pickup truck. A confederate?

Saturday December 11th, an un-signed ransom note of cutout newspaper letters is found beneath Santa’s tree by Santa’s remaining loyal elf. It reportedly reads as follows; (We have added underlining for emphasis)

SANTA,

WE HAVE YOUR CHAIR. DO NOT CALL THE COPS.
YOU HAVE OUR LIST. YOU KNOW WHAT WE WANT.
YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE
AND YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.

Important clues: The Santa Claus parade organizer wanted Santa to “disappear” when another City authorized Santa came by on the “official” Float last week. Slave Market Santa refused to leave his throne. Possible questioning needed here.

Pickup truck … the throne was bulky and would not fit in a regular car or SUV.

The perpetrator profile indicates a deep and longstanding resentment over perceived slights by Santa Claus.

The ransom note was actually quite colorful and creative, indicating an artistic personality. Plaza artists were present during three of these incidents. Artist Scott Raimondo said earlier that day that he had a flat tire on his ArtCycle and brought his pickup for the first time in six months. Related?

Santa’s current elf (who found the ransom note) shows very unelf-like behavior … openly smoking, studded lips and nose rings, felt antlers (she’s an elf, not a reindeer!) aggressively hawking passersby for “donations” to Santa’s charity (really?)

Status of Case: Santa took a break yesterday evening to go to the police station to make a report. The ransom note is in SAPD possession and it will be “dusted” for fingerprints. By eliminating all those in the Slave Market who handled the note (big mistake!) the police should lift one from the perp or perps.

We were told by the police department that a 24 hour watch is being given to the Christmas tree. (unlikely)

Santa Claus has told us that HE will be on stakeout himself, watching the tree. More later as the story unfolds.

Photo source: facebook

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