Claiming the Bridge of Lions

We’ve waited a long time to get the Bridge of Lions back online, but, now that it is, I am reminded that everything about the bridge is not to be celebrated.

Today the bridge had to be shut down for an hour — right in the middle of the day. Traffic already has resumed backing up because of the timing of the traffic lights– on both sides of the bridge. When traffic on the east side backs up to Lee and Cates and traffic on the west side backs up to the fort, people seem to lose their senses and think it’s OK to jump out of their cars, or shoot a few pictures, or walk between the stopped vehicles that are all itching to get moving again.

And, of course, everybody thinks they own the bridge. Every group thinks they can claim the bridge for themselves and that their cause is a little more important than the cause of the next guy. The traffic lanes on the bridge are part of State Road A1A Highway and the State of Florida owns the bridge — not the city, nor one citizen group or another.

How long will it be before sweethearts are painting their initials on the arches or anarchist cults deface or destroy some part of the construction? After all, the Krishnas will be in the plaza this weekend.

Oh, let’s not forget the flags. Not the American flags, but the flags that proclaim one groups dominance over the concrete and steel edifice for a week at a time. The bridge is public property; but, that does not mean that the public has permission to deface or alter the premises, or, to create any hazard by their presence, or, to erect any monument, attach any advertisement or otherwise convert any part of the premises to their own, personal use.

Edward Adelbert Slavin, Jr., the zealot homosexual advocate, disbarred lawyer and nonstop critic of anything done by government, has already petitioned the city to erect (no pun intended) gay rights flags as an expression of, um, well, his gayness, I suppose. Don’t get me wrong, I completely believe that he has the right to stick his flags all the way up his asphalt driveway, but, that would be on private property. I can’t see where he has the right to plaster the newly remodeled bridge with them — and, since the City doesn’t own the bridge, I don’t see where they could grant Slavin permission to use the bridge for that purpose.

I’m not even sure that the Department of Transportation, who is responsible for the bridge, could grant such a request — without an act of the legislature. They’re in session now, so, he better hurry.

Anyhow, I conducted a very scientific experiment at coffee this morning. Two of the brightest legal minds in town, several well respected investors and businessmen and even a former commissioner were polled — what flags should be flown over the Bridge of Lions? After some discussion, and an ad-nauseum rehash of the debacle that was the old-old bridge flag policy, the majority seemed to feel that the new-old bridge shouldn’t have any flags at all.

We learned from the lawsuits and countersuits before that if you are faced with an “all-or-nothing” decision, it may be better to simply choose nothing. Besides, the flags aren’t authentic and we are spending a whole lot of money to restore the authentic bridge, right?