Editorial: St Augustine is just a little Peyton Place

Well, it’s official. My home town of St Augustine has become a community whose inhabitants have sordid secrets; and, it’s all going to spill out in a new Record editorial column by Hedda Hopper — using the pen name, “Jim Sutton”.

Responding to interrogatories posed by Edward A. Slavin, Jr., and reminiscent of Louella Parsons, our sleepy little community is rocked by scandalous allegations swirling around the Opinion Page Editor and an apparent pre-marital dalliance with a sitting St Augustine City Commissioner.

“Last week, he blogged a question publicly that I thought needed answering,” the former fishing reporter said of Slavin. “The issue has since broken out of its cyber-stall and escaped into the real world.”

Titled “Fine gentlemen and moral turpitude”, our impressionable youth are cautioned to put the newspaper down — or, more likely, put the smartphone down, lest you be corrupted with a tale of spurned romance and attraction, that describes the commissioner in his own words as “a pretty good-looker”.

Nancy Sikes-Kline married to a lowly newspaper editor? Really? Old Jim confesses in his response that “Nancy Sikes-Kline and I did date”. To dispel any circulating rumors, he clarified “we were never engaged to be married”.

So even though it was only “for a short period” over 20 years ago, the unrequited embers of affection, revealed by Mr. Slavin’s tale of love between beauty and the beast, may still survive; well, at least for the gossip columns.

Probably out of respect for Mother’s Day, the scoundrel had the decency to admit Nancy’s mother never approved of the liaison.

Historic City News has a reputation of being straight forward, unafraid of controversy, and a willingness to call a spade a spade. In the last election campaign, despite the editorial endorsement of The Record, the failed mayor found humor in referring to our endorsement of his winning opponent as only slightly better than an endorsement from the National Inquirer.

But if this brazen Sunday editorial is a preview of coming attractions, it’s just a matter of time before the scandalous gossip of St Augustine will be splashed across the hallowed sheets of ink-smudged paper, bearing the new standard: “Off the record, on the Q-T, and very hush-hush”.